Rush of a New Attraction

One of life's most thrilling experiences is to feel the rush of attraction with someone you've just met, or even someone you're seeing in a new light. It's the motivation for dating — the hope that a spark will ignite and propel you toward the relationship you seek. But what happens when the spark, rather than the relationship, becomes the goal?

There are various terms for people who live for — and live in — that initial attraction: the serial dater, the player, or the infatuation junkie. Many of us have dated one; some of us may even be one. Believe me it's understandable because I have even been there : Infatuation, the rush of new attraction, is one of nature's most delicious processes. The body releases a whole cocktail of hormones in response to a new love object. Brain chemicals like norepinephrine and phenylethylamine kick in, causing a little euphoric madness. Your heart races, your body temperature rises. I don't have to tell you what all of this does for sex.…

People who get stuck in the sparks, however, deny themselves the opportunity for a deeper kind of passion. Every lasting relationship eventually moves from the infatuation stage to an attachment stage. It's the marker of mature love and not, as some can perceive it, a sign of being too close or even falling out of love.

If you think you or someone close to you may be an infatuation addict (and you're not 20 years old), take the pattern seriously. There is likely a good reason that real commitment is being dodged, beyond the lust for constant excitement. Talking it out with a therapist can help.